Week 13: In-law Relations

My husband and I got married in Romania and we lived there for about nine months before moving to Utah. During those months, we developed a great relationship and we got used to relying only on each other. When we came to America we lived with my in-laws for a few short months because we had nothing other than a few clothes, very small personal belongings, and we were expecting our first child. I loved his parents, but I also realized they were still treating my husband as their little boy who needed to be told what to do or who had to give them a report of how his day went. Plus we were paying rent anyway and we were bombarded by his sister's daughters daily. All those "little things" made us both realize we needed our own place to live. Moving out was a blessing for us and our marriage.

 In the book called "Helping and Healing Our Families: Principles and Practices Inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" the authors James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen say: "Adult married children can improve relationships with their in-laws by setting boundaries that help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Having regular contact and communication with in-laws also send messages that couples value their relationship with them". Living separately helped us love them more and actually get excited to see them again.

Dr. Bernard E. Poduska wrote about the differences between people and how they can overcome them and learn to live in harmony in his book called "Till Debt Do Us Part: Balancing finances, feelings, and family." He said "One partner may even naively ask the other to "stay just the way you are." (If this were to happen, the partner making the request would someday be married to a sixty-year-old spouse with the maturity of a twenty-year-old! Not a pretty picture." I believe in change and I think it is necessary in order for us to grow and progress. Our experiences help us see the world with different eyes. 

I look at some people in our family, on both sides, and I am saddened to realize that after all these years they still fight about the same old issues. They refuse to set aside their "victim status" and enjoy the time they have left in this life. I am learning from their mistakes and I am more willing to apologize and forgive because I see more and more how important family relations are. In my opinion, some of the hardest things in life are admitting when we are wrong and apologizing first, loving others despite our misconceptions about them, or forgiving those who offended us. Something that I aspire to be able to do someday is to see all the people the way Jesus Christ sees them. Until then, I am working on loving all the family members, while prioritizing first the needs of my husband and children. 

Enjoy this funny video: THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING

Week 12: Power Relations and Children

In order to succeed as parents, a couple must become a strongly united team. Both parents need to constantly check with each other and make sure they are in agreement when it comes to raising their children. Parents should be willing to cooperate with each other and constantly keep in mind how their actions are affecting their children. When parents act as "the cool parents" who are all about having fun and breaking rules whenever it is convenient, they are slowly loosing their children's respect. Richard B. Miller's "Who Is the Boss? Power Relationship in Families" article stresses the importance of saying "No" to our children: "Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: "Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language - "No"... Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today's children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They have been over-indulged by well-meaning parents who have given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need" (John Rosemond's Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children [Kansas City, MO.: Andrews & McMeel, 1989], p. 114) (Joe J. Christensen, Ensign, November 1993, p. 11).

When I was growing up we didn't have many family councils and when we did, my opinion never mattered because I was the youngest. My parents and siblings often thought it was okay to push me around for that same reason. I love being married to a man who values my input and treats me as his equal. We also both agree that each of our children's opinion matters and everyone should get a chance to express their feelings. Our children know that, but they also know that in the end mom and dad get to make that final decision. From my short experience as a mother, I have seen how this way of parenting builds up a child's confidence, as well as it teaches them respect for their parents. I also know that all the things I have mentioned in this post are things that need to be done over and over again in order to work. I have seen a lot of times my kids trying to trick my husband or I into saying yes to something when the other has already said no. This is another reason why communication and respecting each other's decisions as a couple is so important. I am grateful for our struggles as a family because they teach us to rely on one another and it brings us closer together and closer to God.

Week 11: Fidelity and Physical Intimacy

The subject of physical intimacy has been treated very poorly in my family as I was growing up. I think my parents always assumed my siblings and I will learn on our own from friends or other outside sources. I did, but now that I have been married for a few years I realize how wrong it was of them to not take the time to teach me about it. As a mother now, I see how many lies are being taught that lead our children to confusion about sex, marriage, and specifically about our gender roles. My husband and I are teaching our children about sex already, without getting into much detail since they are pretty young still, but I can already see how they are beginning to understand and make sense of things. Here is a link to a wonderful resource that will hopefully help parents as they prepare to have "the talk" with their children: https://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/collection/family-conversations-talking-about-healthy-sexuality

I love being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! I am grateful for the knowledge that marriage is sacred and it is meant to last forever. I love my husband and I feel joy in being a wife and a mother. It teaches me to be humble, to be selfless, and kind.  In the 6th chapter of A Parent's Guide it says: "Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion" (Full text). (Links to an external site.). I find it hard sometimes to focus on what my husband needs, especially when I feel tired at the end of the day. My husband doesn't have to tell me how much it hurts him when I push him away; I know it does because I feel it. One of my goals is to make more time and to put more energy into my marriage. My husband is my best friend and he deserves to be happy just as much as I do.

I always thought of infidelity as being strictly related to extramarital sex. Boy, was I wrong! A person is being unfaithful to their spouse by "simply" spending more time and sharing affection with another person of the opposite sex. Things such as, spending time alone with that person, giving small gifts, wishing their spouse to be more like this other person, are just a few ways someone can be unfaithful. These activities can do so much damage to a marriage. An honest repentance process, time, and complete fidelity can slowly repair a broken marriage.

Week 10: Seeking to Understand

     According to Dr. John Gottman "All couples have some irreconcilable differences. But when partners can't find a way to accommodate these perpetual disagreements the result is gridlock"(Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p.236). Fortunately, there are ways to overcome gridlock. Avoiding them is the best approach. We also need to constantly pay attention to our partners' needs. When we marry someone we do it because we love them and because they make us happy by loving us back. But the love and admiration can easily diminish if we don't nourish it. I love it when my husband can tell how I feel without any words. To me this shows he cares enough to notice and even better, he loves me enough to try his best to help me out. The more I grow and experience life, the more I realize how important are the small and simple things. A strong marriage is not based on how big is the house we live in, how many expensive accessories we own, or how many times we bragged about how happy we are on social media. What makes it strong are the times we sincerely showed love to our spouse in the way it pleases them, the times we encouraged and sustained them in following their dreams, and all the times we prayed to our Heavenly Father to help me be better and loving spouses to them or asked Him to watch over them.

     It is important to keep our eyes open for all the little ways Satan is using to slowly destroy our marriages. Keeping secrets from our spouse, constantly pointing out the negative in them, being slow to forgive them, avoid sincere communication, are just a few ways that will negatively impact our marriage. On the contrary, we need to focus on being charitable in our relationship with our spouse and become true followers of Jesus Christ. Dr. Goddard said: "When we choose to see the good, think about it, talk about it, and appreciate it, we bless those around us - often by evoking the same attitude in them" (Goddard, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, p.125). I notice in my own marriage how my husband's face lights up when I become humble and apologize first. He tells me how much he appreciates when I stop and ask him to explain again what he actually meant in his comments instead of wrongly assuming his message and acting as if the whole world is against me (which happens more often than I want to admit). Our marriage works because we fight for it. When times get rough, it is important to start our conversation by pointing out some qualities we love about each other. We show love when we seek to understand our spouses and when we pay attention to how we show that.

Week 9: Managing Conflict

In his book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman explains how every marriage represents a union between two individuals who each have their own opinions, values, and personalities. Marital conflicts exist in every marriage and according to Dr. Gottman they are either solvable or perpetual, the last one meaning these conflicts will always be a part of their lives in one way or another. Expecting to find a perfect person, living a never-ending fairy tale life, and always agreeing on everything is an unrealistic dream. None of us are perfect while living on Earth. We are here to learn more, to develop our talents, to discover who we are, and to help others achieve happiness and success in this life. If we truly love our spouses then we should always strive to understand them, to put ourselves in their shoes, to treat them with kindness, and learn to communicate openly. 

       Dr. Gottman's fifth principle, Solve Your Solvable Problems, entails five steps: 

1. Soften your start-up (avoid criticism or contempt; share some of the responsibility)
2. Learn to make and receive repair attempts (put on the brakes and lower tension in the relationship with your spouse)
3. Soothe yourself and each other (calm down before attempting to solve an issue)
4. Compromise (negotiating and accommodating each other's needs)
5. Process any grievances so that they don't linger: be honest about past feelings and learn to forgive and move on (Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p.161).

       Consecration in marriage is essential for its strength and stability. Dr. H Wallace Goddard describes it wonderfully in the following words: "Those who consecrate themselves to their marriage by bringing their whole souls as an offering to the everyday events of a relationship are building a storehouse of sweet memories. They are building an eternal relationship one brick at a time" (Goddard, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, p.109). If we want our spouses to treat us with love and respect then we need to do the same to them. Everyone struggles once in a while but when we feel loved and appreciated we want to become a better version of ourselves.

       There have been many times in my marriage when I felt very inadequate as a wife or a mother, or when feelings of depression took over me. What helped me get out of that state of sadness and self-doubt was my husband's unconditional love and patience. He told me he would never want anyone else to be his wife or the mother of our children. He said he already decided to go through life together with me despite my ups and downs. He is the perfect husband for me and he always helps me get up when I fall. We learn each day to improve ourselves and find better ways to serve and show love to each other. Forgiveness is not easy, especially when our feelings get hurt, but when we choose to forgive we are able to free ourselves from the past and live a better present and a more secure future.

Week 8: Beware of Pride

       President Ezra Taft Benson, the 13th president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1985 until his death in 1994, gave an amazing talk about pride during the General Conference (Beware of Pride talk). Our Savior, Jesus Christ, was crucified because the Pharisees feared He was a threat to their position. There are numerous times in the history of mankind where people have done horrible and unjust deeds out of man's fear. They decided to care more about what people think rather than what God thinks. President Benson further explains the terrible effect of pride: "When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost". Humility is the antidote for pride.

       I have witnessed many times in my life the destructive consequences of pride. I've seen parents, children, brothers and sisters wasting precious time of their lives not talking to each other because they felt hurt and offended. Holding grudges for years and feeling they are entitled to feel the way they did and expecting apologizes from the other one involved. My father and older brother have this kind of relationship and had it for years. It's heartbreaking to witness it so close to my heart.

       In my own marriage I feel there are so many little ways in which pride can manifest. When we say we are too tired or too busy to give our spouses attention. Or when we complain about each other to other people and not initiate an honest conversation with our spouse. We are prideful when we don't listen to what our spouse has to say and try our best to understand where they are coming from. If we really care for our marriage and our spouses, then we need to put the other one's needs and happiness first. We need to serve more, love more, give more of our time, and pray for them more. I love my husband and the kind of marriage we have. We've always been good at communicating and forgiving each other. My husband taught me how to love selflessly, especially when life gets hard. I will forever be grateful for him.

Week 7: Staying Emotionally Connected

     "It is not easy, but life was never meant to be either easy or fair", are the words of President Boyd K. Packer (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2012/04/and-a-little-child-shall-lead-them?lang=eng), a former president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I think we can easily replace life with marriage in that quote for the purpose of this post. Marriage can be wonderful, fulfilling, but it can also be frustrating and challenging. According to Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, a former Professor of Family Life for the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service, "Any time we feel irritated with each other it is an opportunity to grow. Irritation is an invitation to better thinking and acting" (Goddard, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, p.65). As hard as that might sound, I believe it to be true. When we find ourselves in a challenging situation we sometimes say things we don't quite mean and possibly regret saying them later. We need to take control of how we react and remember to breath deeply before expressing our feelings.

     Dr. Goddard paraphrases Brigham Young's response when two sisters came to him, both wanting to divorce their husbands: "If you could only see your husband as he will be in the glorious resurrection, this very husband you now say you despise, your first impulse would be to kneel and worship him." President Young would say the same thing to husbands who felt no longer in love with their wives. Wow, how powerful are his words! This is why we need to trust the Lord and His plan for each and every one of us. We found our spouses, fell in love, and got married. We knelt down together at the altar in God's Holy Temple and made covenants with God and with each other. Those promises are meant to be lived by us every day. If we want our marriage to succeed we need to turn towards our partners. That means we connect, be involved, respond to their needs without hesitation, be slow to judge them, make their priorities ours, and so on. When our partner feels loved and appreciated he/she will most likely respond in the same way to our needs and desires.

     I love feeling appreciated and needed. Being a wife and a mother brings me so much happiness and  there is nothing in this world that makes me feel the same way. My husband and I try to always make time for each other, and when we don't we can both feel it.  Every day we get opportunities to show appreciation and interest in our spouses. It's those little things that matter the most, such as waking up our husbands with a kiss and a tender hug, preparing one of his favorite meals, making sure he has clean clothes for work, sending a random funny/cute quote we found on social media, etc. When my husband does these things for me it sure makes me feel loved and important. Some of these small things only take a few minutes of our time, but for our spouses this means the world. Let's all make our spouses a priority and let them know how much they mean to us every day.

Week 6: Cherish Your Spouse

     Marriage is ordained of God and He wants us to enjoy our spouses and create our own little pieces of heaven that we call homes. But being married is not always easy and we don't always feel butterfly motions in our stomachs when our spouse walks by.  It takes time, patience, and faith to make a relationship not only work, but thrive.

     John M. Gottman, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, wrote a wonderful book called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." The first two of those principles described by Dr. Gottman in this book are: Enhance Your Love Map and Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. These principles have been proven to be successful after long years of research done by Dr. Gottman, his wife, and their colleagues.  

     Using his own words when explaining what a love map is, Dr. Gottman says "That part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life." This first principle represents the map of your partner's inner world. There are key elements, such as values, beliefs, hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, and wounds that we should be aware of when it comes to our spouses. Sadly, it is easy to take our spouses for granted after being married for a while, and to judge them according to our assumptions. Instead of judging them for things that we don't completely understand we should take the time to ask them and seek the answer to our problems directly from the source. This will bring closeness between the spouses, deeper understanding about each other, and will help us have more faith in them and their decisions. 

     The second principle is called sharing fondness and admiration, meaning communicating to our partner the things that we love and admire about them. Dr. Gottman describes fondness and admiration as being "crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting marriage." He further says that despite the imperfections of our spouses, they still deserve honor and respect in a happily married couple. This principle takes time and practice. Our brains are amazing and when we train them right we are capable of wonderful accomplishments. One example of this is to train our brains to focus on positive aspects and traits in our spouse. The next step is sharing them with our loved ones by complimenting them. This step helps us be happier and optimistic about our marriage and also helps our spouse feel loved and appreciated. 

     The biggest sacrifice I had to make for my husband and for our marriage was moving far away from everything I knew before and in a way starting my life again. This was a decision we both made. We felt it will bless us and our future children (at that time). This move helped us grow closer to each other and learn to rely solely on one another. We learned to appreciate every little thing we had, to support each other in our decisions, and to live within our modest means. I had to seriously step out of my comfort zone and adjust to a very different lifestyle, including learning to express myself correctly in English. My husband has been very sweet and patient with me during all this transition. His love and support made it easier for me to adjust and enjoy the ride. I would do it all over again if I had to. It was worth it.

Week 5: Behaviors that Negatively Affect Marriage

     I grew up in a family where every little mistake you made was a big deal. My dad is the kind of person who gets furious over simple things such as making noise in the kitchen, getting interrupted, or not doing things his way. There was always yelling in my family and that brought a lot of self-doubt in me. I also thought that was a normal way of living until I met my husband and we started our own family. Our marriage is characterized by positive sentiment override, meaning the positive feelings between my husband and I supersede the negative ones. We love each other beyond our imperfections or past mistakes. We were good friends before falling in love and I think that had a great impact on our relationship and its value.

     According to John M. Gottman, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, "Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company." I believe a good marriage is one where both spouses feel safe, encouraged, supported, and loved unconditionally. A good partner sees their spouse as their better half and they desire to see that better half becoming the very best version of themselves. The Four Horsemen (Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling) are negative behaviors that will slowly bring marriages to an end. Instead of allowing negativity to poison us we need to strive for positive attributes like compassion, mercy, charity, patience and learning to forgive and apologize often. 

     Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, a former apostle for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, told a story during a General Conference in 2007 about an elderly couple who have been married for many decades. I was impressed with this old man who was most likely having his own health issues, nevertheless he decided to help his wife feel pretty and happy while she was slowly loosing her sight and ability to care for herself. Elder Wirthlin said "True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us." (Whole talk) The Lord loves us no matter what, including those low times in our lives when we stop believing in ourselves. Our view is limited, but our Heavenly Father sees things from an eternal perspective and He knows what we are truly capable of becoming. Love changes everything. It changes the way we see ourselves, the way we see and treat others, and the way we preserve our relationship with our Father in Heaven.

     I have a testimony about the importance of treating others kindly. I believe we can change and become better when we embrace the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As we make positive changes in our behavior, our relationships with those we love will drastically improve and flourish. We need to strive to see everyone as a child of God, as someone who is equal to us. I know we will be blessed if we do all those things with pure intentions.

Week 4: Make It Count

      Elder Bruce C. Hafen, a general authority in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, addressed the subject of covenant marriage in the November publication of the Ensign magazine in 1996 (Elder Hafen's full speech). He pointed out a few remarkable differences between a contract marriage and a covenant one. Usually, couples in a contractual marriage only give 50% to each other and also believe they should walk away from their marriage if they feel unsatisfied or unhappy. On  the other hand, couples in a covenant marriage give each other 100% and they marry one another with the purpose of growing together and bringing children into this world. Elder Hafen further says: "Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith: they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other."Elder Hafen's full speech

      Elder Hafen also describes three kinds of wolves that test every marriage repeatedly: natural adversity, personal imperfections, and excessive individualism. If I had to pick one of these problems that negatively affect marriages and also our society, I would choose excessive individualism. Sadly, I see a lot of marriages that either end because one of the spouses (mostly women) feel bored and useless while raising their young children at home, or young girls who are in no rush to marry because they are financially independent and feel good about themselves. Getting married and raising children is slowly becoming less desirable. Just this past weekend I had a conversation with one of my friends who is a beautiful 27 years old woman with a college degree in Information Technology and has a well paying job. She said she wants to eventually get married, but she likes feeling independent and feels terrified of the idea of being a stay-at-home mother.

      President Ezra Taft Benson taught during an address given at the Logan Temple Centennial, 17 May 1984, about the importance of teaching our children about temples (Whole speech). How can we expect our youth to desire to enter the temple if we don't take the time to properly teach them about the importance of temple ordinances? As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe the priesthood of God has been on the earth since the beginning of times through Adam and his posterity. When we enter the holy temples of God, we make covenants with Him. When we keep the commandments and obey our covenants, the Lord promises us eternal blessings.

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      I know the Lord offers blessings to all of His sons and daughters equally. Men and women are created to complete and perfect each other. Elder Bednar said "For divine purposes, male and female spirits are different, distinctive, and complementary" (Full talk). I see it in my own marriage how both my husband and I contribute to our relationship in unique ways. We complete each other and we also help one another see and understand things from different perspectives that we wouldn't see if we were not together. Every child should benefit from both a mother and a father's love, positive influence, and support. A covenant marriage is beneficial for both the couple and their offspring because they are committed to each other and they guide their lives after the Savior's way. (Links to an external site.))Links to an external site.

Week 3: Threats to Marriage

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court approved the legalization of gay marriage within the Obergefell V. Hodges case. I am glad we were assigned to read this case because I feel it expanded the way I view traditional marriage and also how others view it differently than me. Some people believe marriage can be changed as time passes and everyone needs to keep up with the modern days. The Court's opinion says "The ancient origins of marriage confirm its centrality, but it has not stood in isolation from developments in law and society. The history of marriage is one of both continuity and change. That institution - even as confined to opposite-sex relations - has evolved over time".  On the other hand, our dear prophet, President Nelson, says about marriage that it is ordained of God and only He can change it. Further on he says "We cannot condone efforts to change divine doctrine. It is not for man to change."

     The five Justices who supported the same-sex marriage petition believe there is no difference between same - and opposite-sex couples in regards to the marriage institution. They see the gay and lesbian couples as victims of exclusion from the benefits associated with marriage. They also believe this marriage restriction is a violation of the Fourteenth Amendment that says no State shall "deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law."  Justice Thomas said, while dissenting the petition, that "Liberty has been understood as freedom from government action, not entitlement to government benefits." The petitioners were not asking only to be equal in rights and privileges with everyone else, they were asking for special treatment and for standing out above the rest. Sadly, they got everything they asked for and more. This battle will not end until the Savior will come again and we need to remain strong in our testimonies of the one and only true gospel and have faith knowing the Lord is on our side

     All four dissenting Justices agreed that the universal definition of marriage is the union of a man and a woman. They also declared the importance of a good and stable lifelong relationship, where mothers and fathers are committed to each other and to their children's well-being. Justice Roberts said: "To blind yourself to history is both prideful and unwise." Along with that, Justice Alito said "Those who cling to old beliefs will be able to whisper their thoughts in the recesses of their homes, but if they repeat those views in public, they will risk being labeled as bigots and treated as such by governments, employers, and schools." To me that means if we don't teach our children about God and the difference between good and bad, then the world will teach them there is no good or bad and that God's ways are old and outdated.

     President Russell M. Nelson described the importance of developing a strong partnership in marriage and how we will be blessed with great power and protection.  He said "True partners can achieve more than the sum of each acting alone."  Further on he said "Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Men and women are distinct and complementary." We need to be defenders of marriage all the time and remember that God is our only judge. His ways may not be popular in our days, and life will not be easy for us when we choose to stay on His side, but we will be blessed and protected. Another great quote from President Nelson states "Man simply cannot make moral what God has declared immoral. Sin, even if legalized by man, is still sin in the eyes of God."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said "Even as we seek to be meek and to avoid contention, we must not compromise or dilute our commitment to the truths we understand. We must not surrender our positions or our values."

     Satan is working hard to defile marriage and the way family is being viewed today. We often times refer to those small and simple things we need to observe and be aware of because they matter the most. I personally believe this principle applies to both good and bad. In my opinion, some people see Satan as this horrible looking monster who will one day show up and destroy as much as he can. Well, I see him as someone who tried to look good and cool to others. Someone who will slowly and carefully gain our trust and then drag us in dark and scary places, away from our loved one and from the influence of our Savior. 

     Marriage is ordained of God. When we choose to marry in the right place, with the right person, and by the right authority our marriage will be blessed and protected from the evils that surround us. Each child should be born and raised in a family where there is a mother and a father. No child should be isolated from the unique influence of their parents because they are different and extremely beneficial for that child's growth, behavior, intellect, and so forth. I stand by and support 100% the marriage between a man and a woman. While I don't have any hateful feelings towards gay people, I believe that those to engage in same-sex relations are living a sinful life and I do not support that in any way. 

References

1. Obergefell v. Hodges case
2. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/
3. https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/dallin-h-oaks_elections-hope-freedom/

Week 2: Choosing Marriage

"Help young men become marriageable" is the subject that stuck out to me from reading The State of Our Unions: Marriage in America 2012. I was raised in a community where nobody else but my family were LDS church members and being different than the majority was hard and constantly challenging. By the time we were in high school, most of my friends were involved in sexual relationships with their partners and that was the norm. The subject of marriage was laughable to most of my friends because they associated marriage to a boring/lack of freedom state, suggesting that "a paper" won't make them love each other more. People think they need to have a fancy and ridiculously expensive wedding and they spend years working hard to afford it. I wish people would invest that much time and effort in their actual relationships and consider the blessings of becoming parents and creating a safe and loving environment for them.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we are encouraged to serve a mission. Young men and women who choose that are willing to go wherever they are called in the world and share the gospel with everyone. During that time they gain a sense of independence along with necessary skills that will benefit them as they work on creating happy and healthy marriages.

 I am forever grateful for a husband who was raised in such a way to develop the wonderful attributes and qualities he now shares with me and our children. I've seen my brothers being raised in a different way than I was. My parents always fixed everything for them and they were never put to work or challenged to become better. I love the programs we have in our church for the young men and I appreciate the support from their leaders. If we truly love our sons (and daughters, of course) we need to let them experience things on their own and show love, support, and compassion without trying to fix everything for them. That's how they grow and learn, by solving their own problems.

In Paul R. Amato's article called "The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation" I was touched by how many couples chose to terminate their marriages, without trying harder to put together the broken parts. Amato talks about how important are the parents' decisions when it comes to their marital status, living environment, and education.  We are the ones who can change the future by avoiding single parenting, non marital births, or exposing our children (no matter the age) to violence, abuse, and contention. The children need a safe and loving environment where they can grow and learn by example.

 

President Kimball's quote made me think of our responsibilities as wives, husbands and parents described in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Heavenly Father entrusted us with talents and sent the Holy Ghost to watch over us, as we try to live our lives according to the teachings of our Savior Jesus Christ. Both my husband and I constantly challenge our kids to pray and ask Heavenly Father to teach them what they should do. We also tell them to find out on their own about the truthfulness of the church, the scriptures, and about the existence of Jesus. We teach them the best we can, but in the end we hope they will have enough spiritual experiences to keep them on the right path. We also hope to be good examples on how a family should be like.

Divorce happens for different reasons and nobody should be in a relationship where they are being mistreated. The church doesn't encourage divorce, especially when innocent children are involved, but there are cases when it is necessary. We should prayerfully seek for good and worthy spouses and then give everything to the institution of marriage and to parenthood. Family is ordained of God and we need to protect it and help nourish it. 

 "Though we could not choose or direct in our earliest days the home we grew up in or the parents who bore us, we can do something about the home our children will grow up in" (Marion D. Hanks, The Gift of Self, p. 28, https://archive.org/stream/giftofself00hank#page/28/mode/2up (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.).