Marriage is ordained of God and He wants us to enjoy our spouses and create our own little pieces of heaven that we call homes. But being married is not always easy and we don't always feel butterfly motions in our stomachs when our spouse walks by. It takes time, patience, and faith to make a relationship not only work, but thrive.
John M. Gottman, a leading research scientist on marriage and family, wrote a wonderful book called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." The first two of those principles described by Dr. Gottman in this book are: Enhance Your Love Map and Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. These principles have been proven to be successful after long years of research done by Dr. Gottman, his wife, and their colleagues.
Using his own words when explaining what a love map is, Dr. Gottman says "That part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life." This first principle represents the map of your partner's inner world. There are key elements, such as values, beliefs, hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, and wounds that we should be aware of when it comes to our spouses. Sadly, it is easy to take our spouses for granted after being married for a while, and to judge them according to our assumptions. Instead of judging them for things that we don't completely understand we should take the time to ask them and seek the answer to our problems directly from the source. This will bring closeness between the spouses, deeper understanding about each other, and will help us have more faith in them and their decisions.
The second principle is called sharing fondness and admiration, meaning communicating to our partner the things that we love and admire about them. Dr. Gottman describes fondness and admiration as being "crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting marriage." He further says that despite the imperfections of our spouses, they still deserve honor and respect in a happily married couple. This principle takes time and practice. Our brains are amazing and when we train them right we are capable of wonderful accomplishments. One example of this is to train our brains to focus on positive aspects and traits in our spouse. The next step is sharing them with our loved ones by complimenting them. This step helps us be happier and optimistic about our marriage and also helps our spouse feel loved and appreciated.
The biggest sacrifice I had to make for my husband and for our marriage was moving far away from everything I knew before and in a way starting my life again. This was a decision we both made. We felt it will bless us and our future children (at that time). This move helped us grow closer to each other and learn to rely solely on one another. We learned to appreciate every little thing we had, to support each other in our decisions, and to live within our modest means. I had to seriously step out of my comfort zone and adjust to a very different lifestyle, including learning to express myself correctly in English. My husband has been very sweet and patient with me during all this transition. His love and support made it easier for me to adjust and enjoy the ride. I would do it all over again if I had to. It was worth it.
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