Week 10: Seeking to Understand

     According to Dr. John Gottman "All couples have some irreconcilable differences. But when partners can't find a way to accommodate these perpetual disagreements the result is gridlock"(Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, p.236). Fortunately, there are ways to overcome gridlock. Avoiding them is the best approach. We also need to constantly pay attention to our partners' needs. When we marry someone we do it because we love them and because they make us happy by loving us back. But the love and admiration can easily diminish if we don't nourish it. I love it when my husband can tell how I feel without any words. To me this shows he cares enough to notice and even better, he loves me enough to try his best to help me out. The more I grow and experience life, the more I realize how important are the small and simple things. A strong marriage is not based on how big is the house we live in, how many expensive accessories we own, or how many times we bragged about how happy we are on social media. What makes it strong are the times we sincerely showed love to our spouse in the way it pleases them, the times we encouraged and sustained them in following their dreams, and all the times we prayed to our Heavenly Father to help me be better and loving spouses to them or asked Him to watch over them.

     It is important to keep our eyes open for all the little ways Satan is using to slowly destroy our marriages. Keeping secrets from our spouse, constantly pointing out the negative in them, being slow to forgive them, avoid sincere communication, are just a few ways that will negatively impact our marriage. On the contrary, we need to focus on being charitable in our relationship with our spouse and become true followers of Jesus Christ. Dr. Goddard said: "When we choose to see the good, think about it, talk about it, and appreciate it, we bless those around us - often by evoking the same attitude in them" (Goddard, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, p.125). I notice in my own marriage how my husband's face lights up when I become humble and apologize first. He tells me how much he appreciates when I stop and ask him to explain again what he actually meant in his comments instead of wrongly assuming his message and acting as if the whole world is against me (which happens more often than I want to admit). Our marriage works because we fight for it. When times get rough, it is important to start our conversation by pointing out some qualities we love about each other. We show love when we seek to understand our spouses and when we pay attention to how we show that.