Week 12: Power Relations and Children

In order to succeed as parents, a couple must become a strongly united team. Both parents need to constantly check with each other and make sure they are in agreement when it comes to raising their children. Parents should be willing to cooperate with each other and constantly keep in mind how their actions are affecting their children. When parents act as "the cool parents" who are all about having fun and breaking rules whenever it is convenient, they are slowly loosing their children's respect. Richard B. Miller's "Who Is the Boss? Power Relationship in Families" article stresses the importance of saying "No" to our children: "Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: "Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language - "No"... Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today's children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They have been over-indulged by well-meaning parents who have given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need" (John Rosemond's Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children [Kansas City, MO.: Andrews & McMeel, 1989], p. 114) (Joe J. Christensen, Ensign, November 1993, p. 11).

When I was growing up we didn't have many family councils and when we did, my opinion never mattered because I was the youngest. My parents and siblings often thought it was okay to push me around for that same reason. I love being married to a man who values my input and treats me as his equal. We also both agree that each of our children's opinion matters and everyone should get a chance to express their feelings. Our children know that, but they also know that in the end mom and dad get to make that final decision. From my short experience as a mother, I have seen how this way of parenting builds up a child's confidence, as well as it teaches them respect for their parents. I also know that all the things I have mentioned in this post are things that need to be done over and over again in order to work. I have seen a lot of times my kids trying to trick my husband or I into saying yes to something when the other has already said no. This is another reason why communication and respecting each other's decisions as a couple is so important. I am grateful for our struggles as a family because they teach us to rely on one another and it brings us closer together and closer to God.