My husband and I got married in Romania and we lived there for about nine months before moving to Utah. During those months, we developed a great relationship and we got used to relying only on each other. When we came to America we lived with my in-laws for a few short months because we had nothing other than a few clothes, very small personal belongings, and we were expecting our first child. I loved his parents, but I also realized they were still treating my husband as their little boy who needed to be told what to do or who had to give them a report of how his day went. Plus we were paying rent anyway and we were bombarded by his sister's daughters daily. All those "little things" made us both realize we needed our own place to live. Moving out was a blessing for us and our marriage.
In the book called "Helping and Healing Our Families: Principles and Practices Inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" the authors James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen say: "Adult married children can improve relationships with their in-laws by setting boundaries that help ensure their marriage is strong and happy. Having regular contact and communication with in-laws also send messages that couples value their relationship with them". Living separately helped us love them more and actually get excited to see them again.
Dr. Bernard E. Poduska wrote about the differences between people and how they can overcome them and learn to live in harmony in his book called "Till Debt Do Us Part: Balancing finances, feelings, and family." He said "One partner may even naively ask the other to "stay just the way you are." (If this were to happen, the partner making the request would someday be married to a sixty-year-old spouse with the maturity of a twenty-year-old! Not a pretty picture." I believe in change and I think it is necessary in order for us to grow and progress. Our experiences help us see the world with different eyes.
I look at some people in our family, on both sides, and I am saddened to realize that after all these years they still fight about the same old issues. They refuse to set aside their "victim status" and enjoy the time they have left in this life. I am learning from their mistakes and I am more willing to apologize and forgive because I see more and more how important family relations are. In my opinion, some of the hardest things in life are admitting when we are wrong and apologizing first, loving others despite our misconceptions about them, or forgiving those who offended us. Something that I aspire to be able to do someday is to see all the people the way Jesus Christ sees them. Until then, I am working on loving all the family members, while prioritizing first the needs of my husband and children.
Enjoy this funny video: THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING
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